Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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