Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
4 words: hood of his car
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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