just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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