Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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