Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
