Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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