we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
