carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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