I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
