his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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