you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
