oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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