I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
