Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
