I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
