we're blogging at a bar
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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