Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
