I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
