Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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