its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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