Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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