She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
