Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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