Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
