Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
