So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
