Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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