Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
