Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
