and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
