Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
