I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
