She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
