New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize