I am puke
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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