I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
