if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
