You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
