i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
