i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
