I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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