Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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