Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
