I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
