Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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