So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
