so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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