dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i barfeds in our rink
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
