On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
