My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize