dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
