words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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