I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
