all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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