Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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