stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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