At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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