if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize