you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
