I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
