DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
