Non-Jews are for practice
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
