Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
