i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Your topless pictures make me question reality
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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