I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
