I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Randomize
