just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
