Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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