Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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