I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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