If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
