Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
