Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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