it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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